Bleeping Beeping

At the request of Wes… here is the amusing account of our morning… AND, as an added treat… Wes wanted to give his own account too! Shocking, I know! I think he just doesn’t trust me to portray him in a fair light… perhaps he is right. But if he starts writing FOR FUN AND reading (something other than golf magazines & online news), I think I may have to have him checked-out by a medical professional… he could be seriously ill! Anyway… here you go… You can decide who tells the better tale…


A Wes Tale…


So, as I awoke this morning looking forward to a leisurely Saturday, I began to hear a faint “chirp” every 45 seconds that appeared to be from one of our 6 smoke detectors indicating that the battery needed to be changed. I checked our battery bunker in the garage, but of course no 9-volts to be found so I would have to put up with the chirp until one of us could go to the store. After breakfast I sent the women to Wal-Mart for batteries and groceries while I went to the local John Deere dealer to pick up a lawn mower wheel to replace the one that broke off while I was cutting the grass last night (by the way nothing runs quite like a Deere with only 3 good wheels).

After we both returned from our errands, let the game of “which smoke detector is chirping” begin. Our house was not designed for this game to be easy as most of the detectors are located near the hallway (which has an echo) and makes it difficult to locate the chirping source. By the way, only 2 batteries were purchased which made it even more important to locate the correct detector(s) since all the batteries could not be replaced. So, I tried changing the battery in the first one but the chirp remained. I tried another one and then started hearing multiple chirps. I tried yet another and I think all the detectors were chirping. By this point I had lost track of which battery came from which detector and whether I had in fact removed a bad battery or not.

As I began to contemplate throwing all the smoke detectors out the window (and second- guessing my abilities as a handy man), my intelligent wife began googling to find a solution. She found several things to try including different procedures for taking the battery out, resetting, and plugging back in , but that only made the problem worse. The last solution she found was to turn off the power (via the breaker) to the smoke detectors and then reset them after removing the batteries and then plug them back in once the power has been restored. This solution was supposed to fix a problem that could originate when the power company is doing some sophisticated stuff to keep the power from going off in the middle of the night. This may sound like an easy process, however as I mentioned earlier our house was not designed with smoke detectors in mind. So, I open the breaker panel and no circuit is labeled “smoke detectors” so I think maybe they are on the same circuit as each room (none of which are labeled correctly either). At this point I realized this task was too big for one person, so Carrie stepped in and manned the breaker panel while I yelled from various rooms whether the power was on/off as she flipped the breakers. After we thought we had all the power off, we followed the process of unplugging and resetting each detector. Of course after performing this procedure for all the detectors, the nagging chirp remained (which the goose quickly pointed out).

Since the electrician who wired our house must have been dyslexic or drunk (or possibly both) it was determined that the power to the smoke detectors was probably never switched off. One last ditch effort was made (Carrie at the breaker box and me staring at the little light on the smoke detectors) where Carrie switched every breaker and I yelled out the results. Finally, the breaker labeled “Den” seemed to turn all the smoke detectors off (I don’t know how I missed that logic). So, I reset everything again and then both Carrie and I sat very still with our fingers crossed and praying that we would not hear the chirp again. After about 2 minutes, we determined that order had been restored and our prayers answered.



And now… the TRUTH… from Carrie…

The beeping began early in the a.m…. We knew exactly what it was: a smoke detector… We thought we knew exactly how to fix the problem: a new battery… We thought we knew which one was beeping… Well… we were right… and we were wrong.

At first the problem caused no nuisance. I had plans to head to the Wal-Market this morning anyway, so I would just pick up a new battery… simple enough. By the time I returned home, the beeping had grown louder & seemed to have multiplied (ie. I thought it was coming from one room & Wes thought it was coming from another… lucky for him, I purchased two batteries!) and Mr. Fix-It was eager to make the little “chirp” stop. So he changed one battery... and no sooner had said battery been installed than another “beep” appeared. No problem… he changed the other… and they both beeped… louder this time. Then he decided he needed to reset the bleeping beeping things in order to remedy the problem… commence siren loud enough to wake the neighbors… Pause… then “BEEP… beep… BEEP!!!!” They ALL stared going off at different times.

By this point, I am laughing… All I can think of is the episode of Modern Family where the guy gets so frustrated with the incessant beeping that he rips off all the smoke detectors only to find later that the beeping is still there & is coming from something totally different… hilarity I tell you. But Wes… he is NOT laughing. I know that look… and I know the exasperated hand gesture and curse words that will soon follow… if I don’t act fast I think he will join the Modern Family guy and rip off all 6 smoke detectors. He’s already moving batteries around like a crazed game show contestant in search of the right match… And I just sit and laugh. However, being the wise woman that I am use my brain instead of my brawn and go to the magic interwebs in search of a solution while Wes works up a mighty sweat and his anger continues to build. (His fury was not abated by the goose who felt the need to follow him around saying “Still beeping!” … “I heard it again Daddy.” … “Daddy! It’s STILL beeping!” )

Thanks to google, I discover a logical solution… there is a specific sequence which must be followed, including turning off the breaker to the hard-wired smoke detectors. No problem… EXCEPT that the genius electrician who wired our house did not label ANY of the breakers as “smoke detectors” AND, come to find out, MOST of the labels are incorrect anyway… Enter new problem/game: The Which Breaker Is It Show! After literally turning half of the breakers off, Wes follows the instructions, but not entirely as he assumed the order in which he took out the battery, reset the detectors, turned on the breakers & replaced the batteries did not matter… Oh contraire! He announced that all smoke detectors were reset… I flip back on the power… and what do you know… the bleeping beeping fest continues! And I laugh some more.

Ok, at this point I see that Wes is going to explode, so I decide to do a little experiment… if we take out ALL of the batteries and turn off the correct breaker, the little green lights on the blessed things should go out, then we can CONSITANTLY follow the CORRECT order of resetting and replacing and in THEORY the problem should be solved. After tripping 10 breakers, we discover that in fact all of the smoke detectors are on the same circuit… only they are marked “Den”… of course! Why didn’t we think of that before!

So the sequence is followed, per the interwebs magic instructions, and what do you know… the bleeping beeping subsides… and I laugh some more.