Worth a thousand words

I had great hopes for blogging. Every day? Clearly not, but… maybe a few times a week. AT LEAST weekly… or… well… let’s face it… more than once a month looks like it’s the best I can do. Of course, there have been moments I wanted to share, and I hope someday to share them… if my poor memory will retain those moments until my poor schedule (or a crack-bucks overload) will accommodate that.


This memory, however, will not wait… so forgive me if I skip a few weeks & later take a blog-flashback or two.

This weekend, the goose & I headed out to the park. The plan was to meet some friends, snap some pics for a sweet boy’s first birthday, pick up a few new leaves for our “collection” & check out all the fun fountains. While we were waiting on our friends, the goose explored a bit, tested out the best jumping & climbing spots, and I snapped a few test-shots.

The goose was an excellent helper, thanks to the bag of starbursts hay-hay brought along, & was eager to get in at least one picture with her BFF. So at the last (and largest) fountain, she climbed up next to her friend, put on her best smile, lost her balance & fell right in. While I could attempt to describe the next few moments, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here are four:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All’s well that ends well though. The goose dried off, walked to the car in my jacket, called Daddy & proudly announced that she would not need a bath… she already had hers… in the fountain.

Holding On

I love this picture… sure it’s a little fuzzy (that’s what you get with a cell phone camera), no, it’s not artistic, but… I love it. After a long day of preparation & an early morning at the hospital, this is where the Goose ended up Monday afternoon… in Momma’s lap, holding on to her blankie & to her “bracelets”. The child who abhors band-aids (& cries if anyone even says the word) would not give up her pink & purple hand-wrap that the nurse kindly let her keep long after her IV was gone. She wore it all day, even when wet, even when coated in syrup. She wouldn’t let it go. Maybe it was some sort of battle-prize. (she seemed more excited about it than the snow white Barbie she got upon our return home) Maybe she just liked the colors. Who knows… but it was hers & no amount of bribery was getting it off.

I felt the same way…. Holding on… refusing to let go… for hours I held her, rocked her, slept beside her… I didn’t want to let go… not again… because that was the hardest part of my day.

I remember the first time I let her go… when she was just a tiny baby… handing her to the nurse & watching them walk away to surgery. I cried, of course, but I did it… I let go. And it was then that I understood so clearly that she isn’t really mine. I understood that I had to let her go, just for a little while so she could be better for a long time. I understood that she is God’s child, so much more than she is mine & that HE would hold her for me… He would hold her while I couldn’t… then and throughout her whole life. I understood that this was just the first time I would have to let her go… no matter how hard it was for me.

On Monday, I thought it would be easier. I thought, “I’ve done this before. I know God will hold her for me. It won’t be so hard this time.” But I was wrong. It was harder. The last words I heard were cries for me & I couldn’t & can’t let those go… no matter how hard I try or how much I want them to be erased from my memory.

It seems no matter how much I know… no matter how much I trust… I still have trouble letting go… even for a little while. I know another day will come, when I will have to let her go again… and I know who will be there to hold her when I can’t, but until then, I’m holding on as much as I can. I have my goose, she has her “bracelet”, & He’s holding on to us both.