Thoughtful Thursdays: Learning Real Love

Ten years ago today, I was celebrating Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.) as the unlucky RA on duty at P. College, for I clearly had no lovey-dovey plans to celebrate V-Day. Somehow, the few of us unlucky-in-love folks ended up eating “Chinese” food and renting the very romantic (read: terrible) Mel Gibson movie “Signs” (If you’ve never seen it, don’t. All I recall is something about aliens and crop circles… but I digress). I never liked Valentines Day (and yes, if you are a faithful blog reader you will note a pattern… I don’t like many holidays… some call me Scrooge, perhaps rightfully so, but I digress again). Little did I know that I actually spent that SAD day with the same person I am spending it with a decade later. You see, ours was not love at first sight. To tell the truth, I’m not sure when love came. Our story would never make the Hallmark cut...  I can’t even remember the first time we met, but someone may or may not have been dressed as Danny Ford at an awful 80s party… Our second Valentines brought our engagement, which also has no elaborate, sappy story to accompany the event… it was cold and raining… the sole of my shoe split so my feet were soaked and frigid… any well-made plans were more-or-less ruined... I’m not sure, but I think the first time I ever got flowers from this boy was when I was in labor with the Goose... Ours is not a romance novel...And I couldn’t be happier.

I have learned more about real love in the last decade than I ever imagined. At our wedding we heard those familiar words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.

LOVE NEVER ENDS.

And while I have learned much about this amazing love that God has for us, I fear that all too often I have failed at showing it… I have been impatient… arrogant… and quite irritable. Yes, I still have much to learn. Mine is but a poor reflection of this love.  Though I treasure these words and hope to learn from them, I have found our love to be a bit more like the love Paul describes in the third chapter of Colossians… This love of mutual submission (a word we all may be a bit too afraid of and offended by) that binds together, yet sometimes admonishes and has complaints… this love of learning to live together with those who are different and growing together as we learn to live like Christ... this love of forgiveness… THIS is REAL LOVE. Not a romance novel. Not a Hallmark card. This love is work… a constant choice to place another before my own selfish desires... to admit wrongs… to seek forgiveness… to learn patience… to grow together as we grow closer to God... And I wouldn’t trade that for roses and romance any day.

Thank you, Danny Ford, for your patience with my irritable impatience, and for joining me on the journey to live in real love. Here’s to many more decades of it.

young love... 2003

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ~Col.3:12-15



Thoughtful Thursdays: Thorns

The parable of the sower… you’ve probably heard it a time or two, or read it in a gospel or three (Matt. 13:1-23; Mark 4:1-19; Luke 8:4-15), but where do you put yourself in this story? Are you the sower of seed? Are you the seed in the good soil, producing much fruit for God? I imagine most of us identify with one of those productive and positive roles. Very few of us would like to admit that we might be seeds who have fallen in the rocks or amongst the weeds.

As I came across this familiar passage in my reading, I was struck by one verse:
And others are the ones sown among thorns. They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. ~Mark 4:18

Even as I strive to live for Christ, I fear I find myself all too often in the thorns… distracted by the “cares of the world” and the tasks of my everyday life… desiring more… perhaps not more wealth or things, but certainly more comfort… drawn to jealousy of another’s success or calling. All these things and more creep in almost unseen, and as they grow, my growth slows. My faith may be present but left unchecked, these thorns of distraction and earthly desire keep me from living the life I am called to – a life of joyful service to God.

I think if we are honest, we find ourselves in the weeds a bit more often than we would like. Though we may skim over this parable thinking we have nothing else to learn, perhaps we should visit it again and ask God where we are in this story. What might the cares of our world be, and how are they distracting us? What is it we truly desire, and what petty desires might we have that are getting in our way? How are we deceived by wealth? And if we find ourselves in the weeds, maybe we need to ask the master gardener to pull up the thorns in our lives so that we can grow fully and fruitfully for Him.

Thoughtful Thursdays: We Wish You A Strange Christmas

How was your Christmas?
Get that question very often over the last three weeks? Over the course of these conversations we swap stories of families, travels, illness, chaos, exhaustion, & sometimes sadness (I have yet to hear a story of peace, quiet, and exuberance). While most folks answer, “Good! Busy… But Good.” My reply is simply, “Strange.”

This year, my mother got sick a week before Christmas and stayed sick… spending her Christmas morning in the ER finding out that she had pneumonia. Thankfully, my version of the “flulike virus” only lasted two days, leading up to a Christmas Eve rush like never before. We had four, no, five separate Christmas celebrations in 48 hours in order to accommodate schedules, children, the elderly, and infirm. It was strange… but strange isn’t always bad. My strange Christmas led me to ponder what a “normal” Christmas could or should be…

Every year Wes and I try to do less… less on the schedule… less hustle-and-bustle… less extravagance… less waste… less gifts… just less of everything except Jesus and family. Every year around January 2nd we sit down to a finally less messy house filled with much more than we deserve and ponder how we can try so hard to make things less complicated and stressful (ahh, the irony...) and somehow always end up so busy, crazy, overwhelmed, and tired.

This year during our post-holiday review, we came to the conclusion that there is no “normal” Christmas. Initially, our conclusion only applied to the stereotypical “normal” our society fools us into seeking… peaceful children in adorable, clean pajamas playing with their toys while mom and dad sit back and watch, sipping their coffee and smiling at the joy of it all… But now, I affirm this conclusion in a different way. There is no “normal” Christmas. There shouldn’t be. There is nothing normal about our Savior… not a “normal” birth… not a “normal” life… God the Son willingly took on lowly humanity… it was STRANGE. There is nothing normal about the gift he lavished upon us. AND there is nothing normal about our celebration of His birth, giving each other gifts and largely giving him nothing.

Yes, this year, our Christmas was strange for many reasons. Not only were the events which we couldn’t control strange, but we also did a few strange things on purpose… Like no mention of Santa (and certainly no elf on any shelf)... We have an advent buzzard to remind us of all the sin in the world and things that distract us from Jesus (but more on him another time)...  And, most importanly, the first person in our home to get a gift on Christmas morning was Jesus. We talked a lot this Advent about whose birth we celebrate and how we should and can give Jesus gifts on HIS birthday… it’s not very hard to do, He told us what he wanted (John13:34; Matt.22:37-29) and how to give it (Matt.25:34-40). And much to my surprise, neither girl so much as walked over to her own gifts before eagerly and joyfully examining everything Jesus got first. Strange… but wonderful.

As you settle back into the “normal” of your everyday life and routine, I urge you to ponder the strangeness of it all. How “normal” was your celebration? How would you change it? Could it be a little more strange this year? Don’t put it off until Advent rolls around again… think about it now. Christmas doesn’t have to be so “normal”… The coming of the Savior changed everything. It was certainly strange… but amazingly wonderful.

May your New Year bring about many wonderfully strange moments, may you share this strange grace with others, and may your next Christmas be far from “normal”… Strange even.

"Truly, I say to you, as you did it unto one of the least of these, you did it to me." ~ Matt.25:40

Thoughtful Thursdays: Proverbs Three Woman

Not so long ago, a group of friends and I were looking at what it really means to be a “Proverbs 31 Woman.”  What does she look like and do?  Is this even attainable?  Does such a fine female exist?  (I think not, but I digress.)

Perhaps you too have wondered or at least heard of this illusive “Proverbs 31” lady.  While I am not judging nor discouraging those who wish to model themselves after her or seek this measure of proverbial perfection, I have decided that I would rather be known as a Proverbs THREE woman. 

Now you go read it and decide whom you would rather be... It’s only one chapter, but in thirty-five verses there is endless wisdom… Instruction for everyday, covering discipline, good-behavior, being fair, true wisdom, fear, unexpected tragedy, money/financial matters, and even sleep (my personal favorite!). 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” (Prov. 3: 5-6) … and sweet your sleep! (v.24)

Thoughtful Thursdays: Baby Steps...

Today I begin a series I like to call “Thoughtful Thursdays”… and, as per usual, I am a day late.  So for the first installment, we’ll call it “I thought it was Thursday” or “Forgetful Friday”...  the choice is yours.

These “Thoughtful Thursdays” are not designed to impart pearls of wisdom, solve the world’s problems, or serve as a platform for any particular position.  Instead, I hope these open-ended prompts push you to think… and read… and pray, and perhaps even come to your own conclusion or resolution.  Why do you believe what you believe?  Better yet, what do you believe?  Is it consistent with God’s Word?  Do you live it out?  I think if we are honest, the sad truth is that all too often our answer to all of these questions is “I don’t know.”  I urge you to know.  Someday we may all find out we were wrong about at least a thing or two, but let’s be thoughtful, intentional, prayerful people who can say, “I know…” “Here’s why…” and “I try…”  So that, in the words of Paul, “your faith may not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God” ~ 1Cor.2:5

Thoughtful Thursday:  Baby steps…

Sissy is trying to learn to walk.  She is very capable of getting where she wants to go using all four of her limbs, yet she wants so badly to walk.  If she holds onto something, she can do it, but if she let’s go, she falls.  Sometimes she knows she’s off-balance and gently sits down.  Other times, she is moving so fast that she comes crashing down… usually head-first.  She can’t catch herself, and I usually cannot get there quickly enough to catch her either. I hate watching her fall, but I love watching her learn… I always seem to learn something in the process too.

We first learn to stand by pulling up on something steady… something that doesn’t move.  As we get stronger, we try to get to our feet on our own.  Sissy is quite amusing at this right now.  She will sit on her knees, put her right foot out to the side and bounce.  You can totally tell what she’s trying to do… she’s working up her momentum… building her muscles… working on her balance… training herself to stand.  She’s practicing a very important and basic skill that’s required BEFORE she can walk: first, she has to learn how to stand alone.  Someday very soon she will master this standing-up thing, she will let go of the couch, she won’t need to hold onto my fingers, and she will toddle away.  Her steps may be shaky… her balance uncertain… but she will practice… she will improve… she will walk… and someday run. 

How is this like our faith?  Are we…

Still crawling?

Holding on?

Letting go?

Practicing?

Getting stronger?

Learning to balance?

Walking, with shaky steps?

Sure-footed?

Ready to run?

Think on it…  and Read on… 1 Corinthians 2; 3:1-2,10-13

(and if you’re feeling really inspired… blog on too!)