Thoughtful Thursdays: Baby Steps...

Today I begin a series I like to call “Thoughtful Thursdays”… and, as per usual, I am a day late.  So for the first installment, we’ll call it “I thought it was Thursday” or “Forgetful Friday”...  the choice is yours.

These “Thoughtful Thursdays” are not designed to impart pearls of wisdom, solve the world’s problems, or serve as a platform for any particular position.  Instead, I hope these open-ended prompts push you to think… and read… and pray, and perhaps even come to your own conclusion or resolution.  Why do you believe what you believe?  Better yet, what do you believe?  Is it consistent with God’s Word?  Do you live it out?  I think if we are honest, the sad truth is that all too often our answer to all of these questions is “I don’t know.”  I urge you to know.  Someday we may all find out we were wrong about at least a thing or two, but let’s be thoughtful, intentional, prayerful people who can say, “I know…” “Here’s why…” and “I try…”  So that, in the words of Paul, “your faith may not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God” ~ 1Cor.2:5

Thoughtful Thursday:  Baby steps…

Sissy is trying to learn to walk.  She is very capable of getting where she wants to go using all four of her limbs, yet she wants so badly to walk.  If she holds onto something, she can do it, but if she let’s go, she falls.  Sometimes she knows she’s off-balance and gently sits down.  Other times, she is moving so fast that she comes crashing down… usually head-first.  She can’t catch herself, and I usually cannot get there quickly enough to catch her either. I hate watching her fall, but I love watching her learn… I always seem to learn something in the process too.

We first learn to stand by pulling up on something steady… something that doesn’t move.  As we get stronger, we try to get to our feet on our own.  Sissy is quite amusing at this right now.  She will sit on her knees, put her right foot out to the side and bounce.  You can totally tell what she’s trying to do… she’s working up her momentum… building her muscles… working on her balance… training herself to stand.  She’s practicing a very important and basic skill that’s required BEFORE she can walk: first, she has to learn how to stand alone.  Someday very soon she will master this standing-up thing, she will let go of the couch, she won’t need to hold onto my fingers, and she will toddle away.  Her steps may be shaky… her balance uncertain… but she will practice… she will improve… she will walk… and someday run. 

How is this like our faith?  Are we…

Still crawling?

Holding on?

Letting go?

Practicing?

Getting stronger?

Learning to balance?

Walking, with shaky steps?

Sure-footed?

Ready to run?

Think on it…  and Read on… 1 Corinthians 2; 3:1-2,10-13

(and if you’re feeling really inspired… blog on too!)

Spiritual Toddler

Today was one of those ridiculously exhausting days… and by ridiculously exhausting I mean it seems ridiculous that I am exhausted. Don’t get me wrong… I accomplished plenty today, but nothing too meaningful. I did my domestic duties… laundry, produce-freezing, dinner-making, toy-picking-up (or rather delegating of toy-picking-up). I even did some sewing & a bit of reading, but only 25 pages in, I found myself “Praying” (which is what I like to say I am doing any time I fall asleep when I am supposed to be awake… I am frequently “praying” when the alarm goes off in the morning… or when studying, which works since it’s seminary, right?)

Anyway, I couldn’t figure out why I was so tired. I usually do my best work after 10pm, but not tonight. This is ridiculous. SO… to keep myself awake, I begin to blog-stalk, coming across some blogs that make me cry & some that make me laugh, but all make me wonder how I accomplish so much less every day than everyone else seems to. And not just that… but they seem to accomplish much AND take time to experience & enjoy it all too! (Either that or they are good blog-liars & fake productivity & joy very well!)

So I begin to think back through my day… did I do anything really important? Did I at least spend time with the people that are most important? Did I devote my attention to anything other than mundane tasks? Sadly, the answers… all no. I was around some pretty important people, especially one under four-feet tall. I had the opportunity to talk to someone over 6 feet tall. I could have chosen to spend some quality time at the feet of the Father. But, instead I was consumed with the ordinary. Not that there’s anything wrong with ordinary… it’s just how I handle my ordinary that bothers me.

For instance, today, The Goose was very good, but in her new-found three-year-old passion of finding what grates on Mommy’s nerves and sticking with it, she decided she would ask me the same questions over and over and over, never even listening to my answer… just asking & asking & asking some more. OR… even better… asking, hearing and doing the opposite… over & over & over, even when told to stop, over & over & over, with the occasional grin & eye-glimmer that says, “I know exactly what I’m doing”… Drives me crazy!

But wait… I do the same thing. I feel ridiculously exhausted & ask God why I’m not as productive as other people. Am I doing the right thing? What do YOU want me to do? Will YOU help me be a better mother, wife, housekeeper, student, time manager…??? HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME… I sound like a toddler. Asking the same things over and over again, but not listening. Not giving God time to talk. Probably driving Him crazy.

In First Corinthians, Paul talks about the members of the Corinthian church being spiritual infants, and though I would like to think of myself as a faithful & mature person… the truth is, I am more like a toddler than I would like to admit. I whine… I ask the same annoying questions… I don’t listen very well… & sometimes, I do exactly what I know I shouldn’t. If I’m honest, most days, I know exactly what I am supposed to do, & I also know the attitude I should have while doing the things I do.

No matter how ordinary or simple, they are my tasks & I choose how to handle them – with joy and a servant’s heart or with frustration and jealously at how I am not what someone else is. I choose how to respond to the incessant questions of a three-year-old (who really just wants me to put down the laundry & play)… I choose whether to make time to listen or move on to the next item on my to-do list… I choose to out-grown my toddler spirit or to keep seeking something that perhaps God never intended for me to do or be… at least not yet. Maybe when I am a big girl.

“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him,

and to which God has called him.” ~1 Corinthians 7:17

Blog envy…

So… I must admit, I am a jealous person… when it comes to bloggin’. I have long longed to chronicle our family’s days in words and photos for all the world to enjoy (because clearly we are that exciting. Well… maybe not.) But still, I have envied those Momma’s who faithfully update the rest of us blog-stalkers on all their milestones and memories, with the occasional insight on the greater meanings and mysteries in life.

After several years of procrastination, I have decided to take the bloggin’ plunge and find the ever-elusive time to write and reflect on motherhood, wifedom, craftiness, and life in-general as a child of God. Perhaps no one will follow, and that is ok, but for those of you who have found an abundance of “spare time” (whatever that is!) OR… if you just need some help in putting off something else, sit back, relax and join me in the land of procrastination!