 |
| ...waiting... waiting... waiting... |
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A baby…
Sister! … Just what the goose wanted! I guess she got her way, again… but we don’t mind at all. I asked Wes if he had a preference, and he promised that he didn’t… he returned the same question, to which I replied, “Two legs, two arms, 4-chambered-heart, 2 sides-of-brain…” and he chimed in, “that’s what we’re looking for!” … we got all we were hoping for and more. Baby Sister measures exactly how she should, already likes doing yoga (just like the goose), and appears to look just like her big sister (at least as much as one can tell from an ultrasound profile).
As promised, our first stop after “getting the baby’s picture taken” was none other than Target, where the goose picked out the first gift for her baby sister… pink pajamas-with-the-feet-in-them, tiny pink baby shoes, and (of course) a pink baby toy. Clearly, we are all set for baby’s arrival… Now the waiting begins.
To top off our nearly perfect morning, we headed to Starbucks for a morning treat… and when we pulled up to the window, the car in front of us had already paid for our beverages… the drive-thru-difference certainly added an extra-bright spot to our already fantastic day… best iced caramel macchiato ever!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Month-in-review…
As you can see, I fell off the blog wagon yet again. The last month of winter was a busy one, filled with endless paper writing, birthday celebrating, superman swinging, and a few trips to the doctor. Unfortunately, I was generally without my camera, so you will have to imagine our smiling faces.
Birthday Bashes…
Wes bid a fond farewell to his 20s with lots of golf. We took a fun, last-minute trip to Pinehurst, minus the goose, who stayed with Gamma & BeBa (you would have thought the kid was going to Disney though… she was SO excited… guess we should go away more often). On his actual birthday, I valiantly attempted to make an ice cream cake… being married to an accountant, I thought he would appreciate the thriftiness of homemade. Next time, I won’t be so crazy… here is my first and last ice cream cake creation.
With spring’s arrival on Sunday, we also celebrated an even bigger birthday milestone as Granny turned 96!!! Again, I regretfully did not have my camera handy. It was a small family gathering, with lots of good food, a great cake, and a few presents. We thought the goose could help the 96-year-old speed up the opening process, but we were wrong… I’m not sure who opens slower… Granny or the goose. After a clearly tragic paper cut, closely followed by an “I thought that present was for me” meltdown, the goose gracefully bowed out of the gift opening and let Granny unwrap for herself.
Baby Preparations…
Since the day we told the goose that she is going to be a big sister, she has been quite preoccupied with baby preparations. She woke me early one morning with a very serious question… “Mommy, do we have pacis, a crib, and baby shoes for the baby?” Clearly, she has only the necessities in mind. Later, she informed Gamma that we need to get the baby some toys, followed by her newest concern… “pajamas with the feet in them”. Finally, we reached a deal… as soon as we find out whether the baby is a brother or a sister, we will go to Target (goose’s request) and get the baby some clothes, including pajamas with the feet in them, and of course, “I get to pick them out,” says the Goose. My favorite big-sister line though has to be “Mommy, when you and Daddy have the baby, I am going to be the Mommy.” To which I replied, “I thought you were going to be the big sister?” “Nope,” the goose corrected, “I am going to be the Mommy-Big-Sister.” I am glad to know I will have lots of help with those mid-night feedings!
Almost Four Attitude…
We’re long past the terrible twos and are nearing the end of the thrilling threes, but in the process, we have encountered the almost-four-attitude. When someone asks the goose how old she is, if she refuses to reply (which is most of the time) & I answer for her, “She’s three,” suddenly, the shyness is gone and the goose quickly interjects with lots of attitude “I’m almost four!” In addition to age three being insufficient, anything that we tell her she cannot do immediately receives the reply, “When I’m four I can…” Oh to be four… clearly it solves all life’s little problems and removes those pesky three-year-old-prohibitions.
Strange Thunder & Lost Socks…
At least a few times a week, the goose wakes up around 3am & appears at our bedside with one of two requests… “My tummy hurts, will you hold me?” or “Can I sleep in the middle?” The way this generally works is that I reply “I’m sorry, go back to bed.” Or “You can sleep in the middle of your bed.” Lately though, the goose has changed-up her 3am routine. Here are my two favorites…
“Mommy, I just heard some strange thunder. Did you hear that strange thunder?”… by the way, there was NO thunder, strange or regular. Since then, any time it looks like rain she asks, “Will there be more strange thunder?”
The second-runner-up was not so amusing initially, though in retrospect it is rather humorous. Instead of showing up 3 inches from my face, the goose let out a deafening, minute-long scream. I was sure she had thrown up or had some major issue as she is not a screamer, especially not at night… she much prefers whining & stomping to screaming. I ran back to her room and could find nothing visibly wrong with her. After a series of unanswered questions, she finally screamed/cried “MY SOCK!!!!” … that’s right, she was missing one sock and could not find it in her bed… clearly this was tragic. “Are you kidding me!?! You screamed because you can’t find your sock?!?!” “Uh-huh,” she cried. Two seconds later, the blessed sock was recovered from underneath the sheet and order was restored. I returned to bed expecting Wes to inquire as to what had happened, but he hadn’t even noticed. I grumbled, at both of them, & tried to go back to sleep. The next morning I asked him if he even heard her scream, to which he replied, “I heard something but just figured it was in my dream.” Are you kidding me?!?
Passive Voice…
As I said, my month has been consumed with reading, reading, & more reading, followed by paper-writing & some more paper-writing. The goose likes to inquire frequently (try about every 30 seconds) as to how many pages I have left on either task. She has also recently learned to “click” (ie. Use the mouse to play computer games… she feels this takes precedence over my papers as laptop priorities go). So one night in an effort to speed up my progress she said, with great confidence, “Mommy, I can type the keys.” “Oh really,” I replied. “Can you write without using passive voice?” “Uh-huh, I can write without passing boys!” And that, my friends, is my favorite quote of the month.
Super-goose…
To end our monthly review with the few photos I did manage to take, here are a few shots of the goose’s new favorite activities… “superman swinging” and “monkey bar flips”… the latter took several days to perfect, but now she is a pro, and quite proud of herself as you can tell. (You may also be able to tell that she dressed herself… don’t worry, this is only permissible when we are not going in public.)
Birthday Bashes…
Wes bid a fond farewell to his 20s with lots of golf. We took a fun, last-minute trip to Pinehurst, minus the goose, who stayed with Gamma & BeBa (you would have thought the kid was going to Disney though… she was SO excited… guess we should go away more often). On his actual birthday, I valiantly attempted to make an ice cream cake… being married to an accountant, I thought he would appreciate the thriftiness of homemade. Next time, I won’t be so crazy… here is my first and last ice cream cake creation.
With spring’s arrival on Sunday, we also celebrated an even bigger birthday milestone as Granny turned 96!!! Again, I regretfully did not have my camera handy. It was a small family gathering, with lots of good food, a great cake, and a few presents. We thought the goose could help the 96-year-old speed up the opening process, but we were wrong… I’m not sure who opens slower… Granny or the goose. After a clearly tragic paper cut, closely followed by an “I thought that present was for me” meltdown, the goose gracefully bowed out of the gift opening and let Granny unwrap for herself.
Baby Preparations…
Since the day we told the goose that she is going to be a big sister, she has been quite preoccupied with baby preparations. She woke me early one morning with a very serious question… “Mommy, do we have pacis, a crib, and baby shoes for the baby?” Clearly, she has only the necessities in mind. Later, she informed Gamma that we need to get the baby some toys, followed by her newest concern… “pajamas with the feet in them”. Finally, we reached a deal… as soon as we find out whether the baby is a brother or a sister, we will go to Target (goose’s request) and get the baby some clothes, including pajamas with the feet in them, and of course, “I get to pick them out,” says the Goose. My favorite big-sister line though has to be “Mommy, when you and Daddy have the baby, I am going to be the Mommy.” To which I replied, “I thought you were going to be the big sister?” “Nope,” the goose corrected, “I am going to be the Mommy-Big-Sister.” I am glad to know I will have lots of help with those mid-night feedings!
Almost Four Attitude…
We’re long past the terrible twos and are nearing the end of the thrilling threes, but in the process, we have encountered the almost-four-attitude. When someone asks the goose how old she is, if she refuses to reply (which is most of the time) & I answer for her, “She’s three,” suddenly, the shyness is gone and the goose quickly interjects with lots of attitude “I’m almost four!” In addition to age three being insufficient, anything that we tell her she cannot do immediately receives the reply, “When I’m four I can…” Oh to be four… clearly it solves all life’s little problems and removes those pesky three-year-old-prohibitions.
Strange Thunder & Lost Socks…
At least a few times a week, the goose wakes up around 3am & appears at our bedside with one of two requests… “My tummy hurts, will you hold me?” or “Can I sleep in the middle?” The way this generally works is that I reply “I’m sorry, go back to bed.” Or “You can sleep in the middle of your bed.” Lately though, the goose has changed-up her 3am routine. Here are my two favorites…
“Mommy, I just heard some strange thunder. Did you hear that strange thunder?”… by the way, there was NO thunder, strange or regular. Since then, any time it looks like rain she asks, “Will there be more strange thunder?”
The second-runner-up was not so amusing initially, though in retrospect it is rather humorous. Instead of showing up 3 inches from my face, the goose let out a deafening, minute-long scream. I was sure she had thrown up or had some major issue as she is not a screamer, especially not at night… she much prefers whining & stomping to screaming. I ran back to her room and could find nothing visibly wrong with her. After a series of unanswered questions, she finally screamed/cried “MY SOCK!!!!” … that’s right, she was missing one sock and could not find it in her bed… clearly this was tragic. “Are you kidding me!?! You screamed because you can’t find your sock?!?!” “Uh-huh,” she cried. Two seconds later, the blessed sock was recovered from underneath the sheet and order was restored. I returned to bed expecting Wes to inquire as to what had happened, but he hadn’t even noticed. I grumbled, at both of them, & tried to go back to sleep. The next morning I asked him if he even heard her scream, to which he replied, “I heard something but just figured it was in my dream.” Are you kidding me?!?
Passive Voice…
As I said, my month has been consumed with reading, reading, & more reading, followed by paper-writing & some more paper-writing. The goose likes to inquire frequently (try about every 30 seconds) as to how many pages I have left on either task. She has also recently learned to “click” (ie. Use the mouse to play computer games… she feels this takes precedence over my papers as laptop priorities go). So one night in an effort to speed up my progress she said, with great confidence, “Mommy, I can type the keys.” “Oh really,” I replied. “Can you write without using passive voice?” “Uh-huh, I can write without passing boys!” And that, my friends, is my favorite quote of the month.
Super-goose…
To end our monthly review with the few photos I did manage to take, here are a few shots of the goose’s new favorite activities… “superman swinging” and “monkey bar flips”… the latter took several days to perfect, but now she is a pro, and quite proud of herself as you can tell. (You may also be able to tell that she dressed herself… don’t worry, this is only permissible when we are not going in public.)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Minor Celebrity
So, it finally feels like a real southern winter here... over 60 degrees in February... a MUCH welcome change from the cold, dreary weather we've had for the past few months. The goose & I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather & headed to the "fountain park" (a local garden with lots of trails & fun fountains... you might remember our last trip/fall there...)
Anyway, while waiting on our friends, a kind man from the paper asked if he could take our picture... I looked at the goose... bow in tact, dressed respectably and agreed. Little did I know it would become front-page news. Baby & milk carton in hand, the goose made the front page of the paper... even above the fold! Pretty impressive for a three year old... practically a local celebrity ;)
Anyway, while waiting on our friends, a kind man from the paper asked if he could take our picture... I looked at the goose... bow in tact, dressed respectably and agreed. Little did I know it would become front-page news. Baby & milk carton in hand, the goose made the front page of the paper... even above the fold! Pretty impressive for a three year old... practically a local celebrity ;)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
A Happy Birthday Indeed...
Today would have been Grandan’s 95th birthday… And since I’ve let weeks go by without sharing any memories of him, I thought today was an appropriate time to reminisce. I had the privilege of saying a few words at his funeral, so perhaps I will just share those…
As I wonder through my memories of Grandan, I cannot help but think of how my daughter will remember him, and I pray that she will. I suspect that she will remember him sitting in his big chair, sleeping, humming, or pretending to talk to her on his “phone” (he held the remote to his lift chair while she “talked” on Granny’s calculator). She might remember how he always told her goodbye with a kiss and a “sweet baby” or his signature, booming “let’s eat!” after asking the blessing each Sunday. All her memories of him will be good ones & for that, I am eternally grateful.
Those of us who lived with him a little longer will treasure our own good memories, though we might also remember that he, like us all, was not perfect. He could be tough… holding everyone, not just his family, to a very high standard. We didn’t always meet his expectations, especially when it came to pruning, gardening & farming, but he pushed us to do what he thought was best – for the plants, the cows & for us. He had good intentions to be sure… He wanted us all to be the best. And I think he would be pretty proud of his work… we didn’t turn out too bad.
So as we remember him, we will sort through our memories & pick out our favorites… picking watermelons, strawberries, grapes… the glimmer in his eye when he laughed (usually at his own story of times gone by)… the unidentifiable tunes he whistled all the time… the nicknames he gave… his distinct cattle call… the smoke that trailed him as he drove his Harley Davidson golf cart… the pictures he talked to when he walked through the living room… his huge, strong hands… & how very much he loved his bride… These are the good things we will remember… but the best & most precious memory will be that of his faith.
We will remember how everything he did, he did for the Lord… how he gave his best & demanded our best to be a reflection of Christ in the world. How he poured over the scriptures & pondered their meaning, even in his old age… he never stopped studying… he never stopped learning… he never stopped praying… he never stopped serving God. He longed to go home to Jesus, though he hated to leave us here. But now, he is home, resting in the arms of Christ & welcomed by those he loved on this earth. Now he has done his best, and pushed us to do the same. He gave us all a model of a faithful child of God… I pray we all do our best to follow. And so I will hold to this as my greatest memory of him... as I feel it summarizes his life so well… from Paul’s letter to the Philippians the second chapter:
As I wonder through my memories of Grandan, I cannot help but think of how my daughter will remember him, and I pray that she will. I suspect that she will remember him sitting in his big chair, sleeping, humming, or pretending to talk to her on his “phone” (he held the remote to his lift chair while she “talked” on Granny’s calculator). She might remember how he always told her goodbye with a kiss and a “sweet baby” or his signature, booming “let’s eat!” after asking the blessing each Sunday. All her memories of him will be good ones & for that, I am eternally grateful.
Those of us who lived with him a little longer will treasure our own good memories, though we might also remember that he, like us all, was not perfect. He could be tough… holding everyone, not just his family, to a very high standard. We didn’t always meet his expectations, especially when it came to pruning, gardening & farming, but he pushed us to do what he thought was best – for the plants, the cows & for us. He had good intentions to be sure… He wanted us all to be the best. And I think he would be pretty proud of his work… we didn’t turn out too bad.
So as we remember him, we will sort through our memories & pick out our favorites… picking watermelons, strawberries, grapes… the glimmer in his eye when he laughed (usually at his own story of times gone by)… the unidentifiable tunes he whistled all the time… the nicknames he gave… his distinct cattle call… the smoke that trailed him as he drove his Harley Davidson golf cart… the pictures he talked to when he walked through the living room… his huge, strong hands… & how very much he loved his bride… These are the good things we will remember… but the best & most precious memory will be that of his faith.
We will remember how everything he did, he did for the Lord… how he gave his best & demanded our best to be a reflection of Christ in the world. How he poured over the scriptures & pondered their meaning, even in his old age… he never stopped studying… he never stopped learning… he never stopped praying… he never stopped serving God. He longed to go home to Jesus, though he hated to leave us here. But now, he is home, resting in the arms of Christ & welcomed by those he loved on this earth. Now he has done his best, and pushed us to do the same. He gave us all a model of a faithful child of God… I pray we all do our best to follow. And so I will hold to this as my greatest memory of him... as I feel it summarizes his life so well… from Paul’s letter to the Philippians the second chapter:
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run or labor in vain.
Philippians 2:12-16
... a Happy Birthday indeed.
 |
| ... as a young man... circa 1940s... |
 |
| ... looking out over the cows... circa 1960... |
 |
| ... with his 6 brothers, 3 sisters, & mother... circa 1970... (3rd from left) |
 |
| ...at our wedding... |
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
December Flashback
Now that things have settled-down a bit, I thought I would share a few happy memories from our holidays...
In a sea of antlers can you see...
one shy little reindeer looking for me???
Being the center of attention is every toddler's dream...
But not for this little goose in shiny angel wings.
Christmas Morning...
Oh what joy, the simple things can bring,
Like princess panties & glue sticks in your stocking!
Fancy Nancy! What a fun fun girl!
Where was this doll when I was young, with red hair full of curls!?!?
Christmas night at Gamma's house, more presents under the tree,
But the best gift of them all is our family...
And one last special snowy surprise...
A white Christmas in the South!
In a sea of antlers can you see...
one shy little reindeer looking for me???
Being the center of attention is every toddler's dream...
But not for this little goose in shiny angel wings.
Christmas Morning...
Oh what joy, the simple things can bring,
Like princess panties & glue sticks in your stocking!
Fancy Nancy! What a fun fun girl!
Where was this doll when I was young, with red hair full of curls!?!?
Christmas night at Gamma's house, more presents under the tree,
But the best gift of them all is our family...
And one last special snowy surprise...
A white Christmas in the South!
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Faith of a Child...
I imagined holiday blogs filled with pictures of a crazy-haired toddler tearing into presents… glowing photos in front of the tree… candid smiles that would speak volumes of joyful Christmas memories. But, our holidays brought some unexpected sadness. Two days before Christmas, after almost 95 years on this earth, my Grandan went home - to heaven. While our holidays were bittersweet, his Christmas was undoubtedly his best ever, for he celebrated our Savior’s birthday with Him.
For nearly two weeks, I have intended share something of his life, his faith, the lessons he taught, and I still hope to do that, but first, let me share a very special & unexpected lesson from the Goose…
One of the toughest parts of losing someone you love is explaining that loss. I had the special challenge of sharing the news of Grandan’s death with the oldest & youngest members of our family: my grandmother & my daughter. Both looked at me with a bit of confusion & surprise when I shared the news of Grandan’s “home-going” (as one friend so aptly put it), but after a few questions, both seemed to take the news in stride. Both were happy that Grandan was now in Heaven with Jesus.
At first, the Goose asked such sweet and heartfelt questions that she brought tears to all of our eyes…
As she ran down the hall at Granny’s house, looked in each room, turned back & asked:
“Where’s Grandan?” “When’s he coming back?” "When will we see him?”…
When we pulled up at Granny’s house days later:
“Everybody’s here,” the Goose cheerfully announced, “But Grandan’s not. He’s in heaven.” …
When we read the story of Jesus’ birth on Christmas Eve:
“Grandan’s with Jesus too!” she proudly proclaimed.
How awesome… the faith of a child.
Then, a few nights ago, after life had begun to settle down… the Goose was busy playing, when all of a sudden, she runs in the kitchen and asks her Daddy, “When are we going to heaven?” My ears perked up, but I don’t remember his answer… I just remember the concern in her voice… I called for her to come sit with me, and when she walked around the corner I saw tears running down her sweet face. When I asked why she was crying, she said, “Because I don’t want to go to heaven.”
“Why don’t you want to go to heaven?” I asked.
“Because I want to come back home.” The tears, her quivering chin, so sincere, & so sad.
I held her tight & tried to fight back my own tears… I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. How do you explain heaven to a three year old?
“We’re not going to heaven today,” I reassured her, “but some day we will all go there and live with Jesus & that will be good, won’t it?”
“No,” she replied. “I don’t want to go.”
“Are you crying because you’re sad that Grandan’s gone to heaven and we won’t see him for a while?”
The Goose nodded.
“Well we will see him again someday, just probably not very soon.”
“But when is he coming back to Granny’s house?”
“He’s not. He has a new home, in Heaven with Jesus.”
We talked again about how Grandan was old & sick… how he was tired & his body just didn’t work anymore. So Jesus brought him to heaven to live with Him & now he’s not tired any more. I told her how Heaven is a wonderful place, where no one is ever sad, or sick, & we get to live with Jesus & lots of other people we love. I told her how Grandan’s Mama was in heaven, & Gamma’s Mommy & Daddy, & Grandaddy’s Mommy & Daddy. And someday, we will all go to Heaven & be together FOREVER.
I paused, glancing down to see her little eyes still filled with tears. I took a deep breath & kept searching for the right words to reassure her…
“I know heaven is hard to understand… there are a lot of grown-ups who don’t understand heaven. But because Jesus loves us & because we do our best to love Him, when we die, we get to go to Heaven and live FOREVER. It’s a happy place & we will all live there together, forever and ever, and we’ll have LOTS of time to play… We’ll never say, “hurry hurry! We’re late!” because we will have all the time in the world to play together and…”
“Will there be a nursery with babies (she means dolls, FYI) for us to play with in heaven?” The Goose interrupted, with her very serious question.
I reassured her that there would be plenty of toys to play with (I hope I’m not wrong!). Her Daddy chimed in that there will be cows there too. (You see, Grandan was very worried about this & in his last visit with his pastor, he inquired as to whether there will be cattle in heaven… he was serious too… and I hope for him that heaven is filled with cows.)
“Yes goose, there are lots of things to do & play with, lots of time, and lots of people that we love. But best of all, we get to meet Jesus. You know how we can’t see Jesus but we love him anyway?” the goose nodded. “Well, when we get to heaven, we will see him! And we’ll see Grandan again too. And just like Jesus lives in our heart & we love him even if we can’t see him, Grandan lives in our hearts too, as long as we remember him, and we still love him too. It’s ok to cry because we miss him, but he is happy in heaven, and someday… someday we’ll be happy there too. Because God would never ever take us anywhere that wasn’t good.”
I think I rambled some more, but I don’t know what I said… and I doubt the Goose does either. Gone were the days of cheerfully announcing that “Grandan’s not here. He’s in heaven. With Jesus.” Just a week before, we were amazed at how well she seemed to understand & what an amazing grasp children have on faith…. The faith of a child… we praise it… we long for it, but really, what the goose showed me is that even a faithful child thinks. For two weeks, she’s been thinking… Grandan’s gone… he’s in heaven… he’s with Jesus… we can’t see him… he’s not coming back… he’s not coming back… I think it finally hit her… he’s not coming back. We thought she took it so well… we marveled at her innocence & trust, but even at three… she questioned. She didn’t understand… we don’t understand… so she questioned… and we question.
I always thought that having faith like a child meant blindly following… trusting completely, and I still believe that is true, but now… I also believe that having faith like a child means being honest, with ourselves & God. We don’t understand. We get scared. We don’t want to leave this earth, and yet… We love God, we want to be with Him… Forever. So what do we do? We curl up in His lap, we shed a few tears, we ask some tough questions, and our faith grows.
How awesome… the faith of a child.
For nearly two weeks, I have intended share something of his life, his faith, the lessons he taught, and I still hope to do that, but first, let me share a very special & unexpected lesson from the Goose…
One of the toughest parts of losing someone you love is explaining that loss. I had the special challenge of sharing the news of Grandan’s death with the oldest & youngest members of our family: my grandmother & my daughter. Both looked at me with a bit of confusion & surprise when I shared the news of Grandan’s “home-going” (as one friend so aptly put it), but after a few questions, both seemed to take the news in stride. Both were happy that Grandan was now in Heaven with Jesus.
At first, the Goose asked such sweet and heartfelt questions that she brought tears to all of our eyes…
As she ran down the hall at Granny’s house, looked in each room, turned back & asked:
“Where’s Grandan?” “When’s he coming back?” "When will we see him?”…
When we pulled up at Granny’s house days later:
“Everybody’s here,” the Goose cheerfully announced, “But Grandan’s not. He’s in heaven.” …
When we read the story of Jesus’ birth on Christmas Eve:
“Grandan’s with Jesus too!” she proudly proclaimed.
How awesome… the faith of a child.
Then, a few nights ago, after life had begun to settle down… the Goose was busy playing, when all of a sudden, she runs in the kitchen and asks her Daddy, “When are we going to heaven?” My ears perked up, but I don’t remember his answer… I just remember the concern in her voice… I called for her to come sit with me, and when she walked around the corner I saw tears running down her sweet face. When I asked why she was crying, she said, “Because I don’t want to go to heaven.”
“Why don’t you want to go to heaven?” I asked.
“Because I want to come back home.” The tears, her quivering chin, so sincere, & so sad.
I held her tight & tried to fight back my own tears… I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. How do you explain heaven to a three year old?
“We’re not going to heaven today,” I reassured her, “but some day we will all go there and live with Jesus & that will be good, won’t it?”
“No,” she replied. “I don’t want to go.”
“Are you crying because you’re sad that Grandan’s gone to heaven and we won’t see him for a while?”
The Goose nodded.
“Well we will see him again someday, just probably not very soon.”
“But when is he coming back to Granny’s house?”
“He’s not. He has a new home, in Heaven with Jesus.”
We talked again about how Grandan was old & sick… how he was tired & his body just didn’t work anymore. So Jesus brought him to heaven to live with Him & now he’s not tired any more. I told her how Heaven is a wonderful place, where no one is ever sad, or sick, & we get to live with Jesus & lots of other people we love. I told her how Grandan’s Mama was in heaven, & Gamma’s Mommy & Daddy, & Grandaddy’s Mommy & Daddy. And someday, we will all go to Heaven & be together FOREVER.
I paused, glancing down to see her little eyes still filled with tears. I took a deep breath & kept searching for the right words to reassure her…
“I know heaven is hard to understand… there are a lot of grown-ups who don’t understand heaven. But because Jesus loves us & because we do our best to love Him, when we die, we get to go to Heaven and live FOREVER. It’s a happy place & we will all live there together, forever and ever, and we’ll have LOTS of time to play… We’ll never say, “hurry hurry! We’re late!” because we will have all the time in the world to play together and…”
“Will there be a nursery with babies (she means dolls, FYI) for us to play with in heaven?” The Goose interrupted, with her very serious question.
I reassured her that there would be plenty of toys to play with (I hope I’m not wrong!). Her Daddy chimed in that there will be cows there too. (You see, Grandan was very worried about this & in his last visit with his pastor, he inquired as to whether there will be cattle in heaven… he was serious too… and I hope for him that heaven is filled with cows.)
“Yes goose, there are lots of things to do & play with, lots of time, and lots of people that we love. But best of all, we get to meet Jesus. You know how we can’t see Jesus but we love him anyway?” the goose nodded. “Well, when we get to heaven, we will see him! And we’ll see Grandan again too. And just like Jesus lives in our heart & we love him even if we can’t see him, Grandan lives in our hearts too, as long as we remember him, and we still love him too. It’s ok to cry because we miss him, but he is happy in heaven, and someday… someday we’ll be happy there too. Because God would never ever take us anywhere that wasn’t good.”
I think I rambled some more, but I don’t know what I said… and I doubt the Goose does either. Gone were the days of cheerfully announcing that “Grandan’s not here. He’s in heaven. With Jesus.” Just a week before, we were amazed at how well she seemed to understand & what an amazing grasp children have on faith…. The faith of a child… we praise it… we long for it, but really, what the goose showed me is that even a faithful child thinks. For two weeks, she’s been thinking… Grandan’s gone… he’s in heaven… he’s with Jesus… we can’t see him… he’s not coming back… he’s not coming back… I think it finally hit her… he’s not coming back. We thought she took it so well… we marveled at her innocence & trust, but even at three… she questioned. She didn’t understand… we don’t understand… so she questioned… and we question.
I always thought that having faith like a child meant blindly following… trusting completely, and I still believe that is true, but now… I also believe that having faith like a child means being honest, with ourselves & God. We don’t understand. We get scared. We don’t want to leave this earth, and yet… We love God, we want to be with Him… Forever. So what do we do? We curl up in His lap, we shed a few tears, we ask some tough questions, and our faith grows.
How awesome… the faith of a child.
At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.
~Matthew 11:25-26
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:1-4
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